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The man I'm pregnant by knows and says he is willing to go along with whatever I decide.

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He's not someone that I think I'll end up with in the long run, although his is a nice guy. He understands the predicament and isn't sure what is best either. We are both scared and unsure. I will never again sleep with another man while married, and had never done so before.

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I deeply regret the chaos I have caused and would like some help in finding direction. This is the hardest decision of my life! This situation sounds doomed on many levels. If this was a one night stand then I think maybe there could be a future for you and your husband, or even if you were committed to telling him the baby isn't his, like these people.

I'm 40... Did My 22-Year-Old Girlfriend Have Another Man's Baby?

But really, you are bringing a child into a marriage with a recent history of both partners cheating, and a history of abuse, and you will be lying about the baby's biological dad. You are going through IVF, which is no easy thing, nor is it cheap. Obviously you want a baby badly.


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Is there no way to tell your husband what happened? Of course if he will react abusively, then you cannot tell him. But is there any possibility that he would forgive you, even after extensive couples work and lots of grief, and you could welcome this baby in an honest way into a loving union? If not, you have a decision to make.

Perhaps it involves being a single mother, and I am surprised this was not an option that you mentioned since you wanted a baby badly enough to do IVF. Or was it your husband pushing or the IVF?

Of course you can decide to just tell your husband nothing about the affair , but I think it is very different since a child is involved. This would be lying to your husband and your child for a lifetime. I am sure many people do this, and maybe it would somehow work out and the guilt would keep you on the straight and narrow forever after, but look at the down side. If this was ever uncovered, you would risk your husband leaving you and your child, and destroying your child's life and conception of himself and his father. You are also taking away your child's chance to know his father, who is at the very least, not abusive and "a nice guy" by your estimation.

This is a very complex decision, and the fact that you stayed in an abusive relationship and even married the guy makes me think there was something very traumatic and abusive in your earlier life that made this pattern seem familiar or tolerable to you. I suggest that you go into therapy ASAP to get help with making this decision, as it is the hardest decision you will ever likely have to make. Good luck and thanks for writing in. This post was originally published here on Dr.

Psych Mom. After we broke up I started a relationship with another man, that lasted six weeks. Please help. I think you do know what choice to make. If you have any doubts about a termination, then it would be a mistake. You could terminate this pregnancy and stay with your boyfriend and, a year later, you might be no further down the line with marriage or babies. He could be promising you all this stuff just to get you back, but will he deliver on it? And will you be ready to have another child after the stress and heartache of going through a termination?


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You are letting him make all the decisions. Think about what you want now in your life and take back control of your own destiny. Take things slowly. Lifestyle opinion. By Coleen Nolan. Dilemma: Back with my ex but I'm having another man's baby Get the biggest daily news stories by email Subscribe We will use your email address only for the purpose of sending you newsletters. Please see our Privacy Notice for details of your data protection rights.

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